Movies this bad only come around once in a generation...So for the pitiable few (amongst whom I must count myself) that have not yet seen
Alone in the Dark, we must be aware that it has shattered metacritical records and come in at Rotten Tomatoes at a sobering
1% positive.
I began to wonder at the 1% figure. Turns out that Michelle Alexandria over at Eclipse magazine gave it a favorable review, in essence, saying if you didn't expect very much you wouldn't be disappointed. I won't have to remind you that we are talking about
Uwe Boll here, though. Michelle's
review tally also includes false positives for Alien Vs. Predator, Blade Trinity, Catwoman, Van Helsing, The Punisher, and Matrix Revolutions. Although, she does take credit for naming "Matrix Reloaded" "Matrix Retarded", if indeed that's something to be proud of. My friend
Roger says that retarded people are special, and that they have the strength of two or three gorillas so you shouldn't mess with them.
Obviously, Ms. Alexandria doesn't have a vagina, and is in fact an approaching-middle-aged male comic book store clerk.
But Ms. Alexandria does have the distinction of hating
Kill Bill. Guess I'm not inviting he/"she" over to the hot tub anytime soon for fruity Pebbles and crusty vaseline. By the way, I'm
not alone in noticing the disturbing case of Ms. Alexandria.
